Don’t Burn The Day

Sooooo it’s been a week since I left the city and I’ve been pretty quiet on the blog front. (thank ya for those who’ve been checking in with me, regardless!) Reason being, I’ve been pushed and pulled by the fam in directions of all sorts since I’ve arrived… Plus, I really wanted to let all immediate thoughts and feelings of leaving the city subside a bit before I go off on the inevitable “I miss NY” posts…And even though I really DO miss the city right now, I will save for a later, more in-depth write-up.

So, home life. I can’t even really say I’ve experienced “real” homelife yet because I’ve been living nomadically between my siblings’ houses and my parents’ house for the last 7 nights. Eventually, when I get myself into a groove, I can perhaps comment more. But nevertheless, I can say I’ve gotten a good taste of what the next few months will be comprised of…

Being the youngest (esp of a large family), I get fed all sorts of errands and things-to-do. Well, actually really anyone who has free time is fed all sorts of run-around stuff. But seriously, the fact that I’m home for a few months is like a blessing for them. And at this point, I’m not complaining nor not complaining ☺ I mean, in between my well-prepared, seemingly 6 meals-a-day…. (good thing I’m not lacking in the appetite/metabolism department)….

My time has been occupied with hitting the mall, visiting my grandmother (incredibly strong woman – dedicated post to come), helping out at family-owned hair salon, picking up my little niece from school and helping her with homework, running errands for parents, assembling kitchen curtain rods, fixing direct tv cable box thingy that my parents always somehow complain about, helping out my sister with her slide presentations for work (cough. corporate bull shhhh. cough), and I’ve even gotten a taste of true soccer-mom-esque duty of driving my expecting sister-in-law to the grocery store (Yay! for big, clean aisles at Stop n’ Shop!!)

I’ve also been reeled into primetime television by my fam. Pussy Cat Dolls’ Girlicious AND American Idol. Sheesh. Girlicious is just BAD BAD BAD for the future of American girls. But American Idol, I gotta say my vote is for David Archuleta!!! This was my first time watching this season and boy has real talent and is only 17! After seeing him perform Phil Collin’s “Another Day in Paradise,” I was/am hooked! I even youtubed the kid to check his previous week’s rendition of one of my faves – John Lennon’s “Imagine.” I believe in this kid so much I was almost tempted to rock the AI vote!! (But I did not…)

Basically though, all of the above = totally NOT the life I lead in the city.

But it’s all starting to settle in I suppose. However, this does not mean that I don’t quadruple-check myself on the daily ala…

• “Am I really at home right now?
• How much longer am I home for?
• Is this all really happening? Why did I think this was a good idea?
• If I were in the city right now, I would be _____.”

My framed NY-skyline propped up on my bedside table greets me every time I walk into my bedroom. This helps preserve my sanity! I now understand when others view and respect folks who “make it” in the city. I mean, I understood it before, but now… I get it. NY is not for the weak and weary. It requires your switch to always be flipped ON. But of course this brings out the love/hate relationship I have with the city. But enough about that for now, I’ll save for another post I promise.

So yesterday, my moms said to me, “You know, sometimes when I look out the kitchen window and I see kids walking home from school, I have flashbacks and see you and your brothers walking home (from school)…” That statement stopped me in my tracks as it is so emotion-packed. (Go ahead, go back and re-read it.)

Going about my daily life and decisions is challenging enough, but now to think what my parents must go through in their 70 plus years of life and seeing their “kids” all grow up and live their own lives is both remarkable and moving. They’ve done a tremendous job as parents to the point where they cannot let go of their parenting duties in current day. True parents by every definition, if you ask me.

My mother’s nonchalant statement of nostalgia answered all my quadruple-check questions as mentioned above.

• “Yes, I’m home.
• I’m here temporarily (key word - thanks jack!) for another 3.5 months. (intermittently ☺ )
• I’m here because I’ll be half way around the world for a year-long term at minimum.
• If I were in the city, I’d be checking for ways to turn my switch OFF.”

So, rather than being fixed on what I could be / would be doing and so forth, I’ve decided to approach my time at home with a slightly different angle. Despite the barrage of questions, incessant nagging, and consistent check-ins, I somehow really do feel fortunate that I am able to return to where it all started at this point of my life. (I kinda have to or else the next few months are gonna eat me up alive.) But really, I’ve been out of the house since I was 18. A lot has happened between then and now; friends from home have alluded to my growth and maturity. But a lot has happened on the homefront as well. As much as I’ve developed as an individual, that same amount of time frame has transpired and has had its effects on family/home/hometown…and many things have just as well, stayed the same.

Either way, it feels good to take a breather from being ON all the time. I feel fortunate that I can call a TO and view things from the sideline a bit. It also feels good to be able to spend time with those who really started it all for me. It feels nice to walk down the street, breathing fresh, crisp air and see young lads play touch football and/or basketball with their fathers. It’s also pretty awesome to not have to think of what to prepare for lunch/dinner, but rather have all meals already planned out and prepared, just waiting for consumption. With all that said, what’s a few months pinned against the last 9 years I’ve spent as a free soul?

So, for now….