An interesting article was sent to me other day by stateside friend, Deborah - breaking down cultural differences between the Far East and Western worlds. I must say, among all the shenanigans that I find myself in, here on the playing front, I am also taking a rather personal intake of perceptions all around me and most definitely, from pretty much everyone I meet. Think about it. How many times in your life can you show up, “bare.” - where not a single person, knows a thing about you, your past nor your present. It is quite a thrill! But moreover, with that, comes substantial education about self. What I’ve found coolest about living abroad is meeting so many culturally-varied people from all around the world, sharing similar-types of revelations - no matter if it is coming from an Asian, European, African or fellow American. They are already on a certain level of cool for the simple fact of placing themselves in a foreign land. In a rather vulnerable state of “nakedness,” both other’s assumptions and reactions are great tools of learning of ones’ own strengths and points of development. The greatest education is that, self-discovered.

I guess, for me personally, to come to the motherland of my family’s roots and actualize that I share very little in its cultural norms is quite an eye-opener. I mean, I’ve always had a hunch, but now to live it kicks it up a few notches. I don’t want to get into it too much because at this point, I’d probably blabber and divert from the base-article at hand. You can read the full article here at, Fortune Magazine’s “Roadtrip to China: 8 Rules for Work and Play,” but I wanted to comment on a few key points, along with add a couple observations of my own. See below in bold italics for my take…


I KNOW WHAT’S BEST FOR YOU.

Here’s a prime example of group-think at work: A Chinese automotive supplier whom Iler knows changed a North American customer’s product without asking permission. The customer was furious, but the supplier didn’t get why. “‘Not without my permission’ is an important concept in Western cultures, because it shows respect for individual authority and individual choice,” Iler notes. “But in China, it’s much more common for supervisors and others to make decisions that affect others without consulting anyone else, because they believe they are acting in the best interests of the group.” If you want to be consulted on key decisions, don’t assume you will be. Speak up.

Slightly different example, but every expat I know has this similar frustration. You walk into a store, say Carrefour and there a usually at least two attendants per aisle to assist customers, (but we expats think, to annoy and confuse the hell out of consumers). The moment you decide to investigate on a product, let’s say detergent - a whole swarm of attendants will come follow you and offer you a gazillion number of options for you to purchase. They will not only bring you various brands, they will OPEN the packages for you to decipher yourself and say they are all the best one in the store! Then, you’ll later get the ultimate, “OK. This is good. Number 1.” Meanwhile, expat is already confused as all hell because majority of products are labeled in Chinese anyway and to have 8 attendants hawking over your shoulder only to bring you 15 options– DOES NOT HELP!! In fact, we expats find being turned completely OFF from purchasing anything at all! But to them, it is providing “good service.”

Not quite the same as knowing what’s best, but related sorta is…. when you go into a restaurant with a group of friends, there is usually just one menu for the whole table, because culturally, one person does all the ordering - fine, makes sense, makes things easier. But goodness, give the whole table a menu please so we can figure out what we collectively want instead of hovering over one hard-to-decipher-menu, as is!! Andddd once you sit, the waiter/waitress will just stand there and wait till you are ready to order versus, let you settle, look over menu, decide and be ready to order. Again, for them, this is providing “good service” - to be by your side yada yada and offer you suggestions etc. I get all confused, claustrophobic and pressured. LOL

But lastly, yes it is true though. Majority of Chinese like to offer their “brilliant” two cents. I’ve learned to just acknowledge with a nod and smile, and move on.

THANKS, BUT NO THANKS… REALLY.

Expressing gratitude, even for small favors, is a must in the West. In China, says Iler, “if a relationship is close, such as between friends or colleagues, saying ‘thank you’ for everything is viewed as a way to distance oneself from the group.” Don’t be offended if you don’t hear a ‘thank you.’ It might be a compliment.

I don’t agree with this statement. I thought about my own actions when I was overly thankful to my local friend, Jeffrey for coming to my rescue the other day. I surely hope I did not offend and don’t think that I did. I was raised proper by my Chinese parents and “Please” and “Thank you’s” were always essentials in the rule book.

WHY DO I NEED PROOF?

The Chinese can be vague about their statements, which is why academic papers often lack footnotes and Chinese suppliers accused of selling lead-tainted toys simply argued that China shouldn’t be held responsible - without offering proof. “For a Western person working with Chinese colleagues, the Chinese tendency to be vague can be frustrating.” says Iler. You can ask for proof - say, market research - to substantiate a claim. But don’t surprised if your request is met with a blank look.

Yeah, they kind of work on an “anything goes” policy. Though contracts and outlines are written up etc, if a change has to be made, it’ll be made on an “all of a sudden, out from thin air “tactic. While the impression of Asians to be very organized, efficient etc, is there, I am beginning to feel quite the opposite here. My business expats have a VERY HARD time working with locals here. They say, while there are many “systems” in place, the systems don’t really hold much functional power. However, one thing you can’t take away from the Chinese, is their will power. They can manually CREATE, DO, BUILD whatever the hell they want. It may not be the most systematically efficient, but it will look damn good and give the impression that it is!

I DON’T DO HUGS!

Public displays of affection are common in the West, but they’re taboo in China - at least among adults, even close friends. “Don’t be surprised to hear that a Chinese father has never hugged or kissed his grown children,” says Iler. Save the bear hugs and air kisses for Stateside.

This is a tricky one that I am trying to come to grips with. To not greet someone with a hug, kiss on cheek… or even a handshake is really weird. Meanwhile, the children though, little girls will walk holding hands and young boys will walk arms around each other shoulders. Shrug.

PLEASE, NO MORE EXCUSES.

PDA may be off-limits, but the Chinese have no problem cutting in front of you or bumping into strangers without saying “excuse me.” What may seem like the height of rudeness to us is, by Chinese standards, perfectly acceptable. “In such a highly crowded society, people use any available shortcut,” explains Iler. So try to stay chill.

UGHHHHH! One of my BIGGEST pet peeves here!! I had a discussion with regards to subway etiquette with a couple of my local friends, and explained to them the crowding of everyone wanting to get on and off at the same time is entirely stupid, and asked why don’t people stand on the side to allow folks to step off the train, and THEN step in. (Some platforms do have arrows to indicate this technique, but that means nada to these commuting folks.) Their answer- “Yes it’s stupid, but the train conductor will not wait for anyone either, so they feel it necessary to push through. And if for some reason someone holds up the train, the train will just stop and stall.” But I mean, come one! New Yorkers! - We handle this on the daily!! And yes there are stupid people in NY who do the same thing by rushing in… but just imagine EVERYONE doing it, and that’s when you’ve entered China. I tried in the beginning to set a bit of precedent by standing off to the side to allow folks step off, but only found being pushed from behind to get onto the train. I shot a look, and hands were off. :-) But now, being that pushing is of the norm in this part of town, I’m building my pushing etiquette - but it’s not such an easy one to pick up. I end up feeling bad.

And now here are a couple of my own observations:

JUST SAY YES.

The language barrier is enormous here. China, as a whole, has not socially evolved to become yieldingly tolerant of foreigners. In all consideration, Shanghai vs. countryside etc, you’d think would be the most advanced and probably is, with regards to social etiquettes of its societal mass. However, if even the “international city” of Shanghai can’t get it right, then this country has a long way to go! We expats collectively conclude with all of our travels combined, China is special in that, even if they don’t understand you, they will still say they do… They say, “yes.” A “yes” here can mean a whole plethora of things, especially, “I haven’t a clue as to what you are asking or saying to me, but I do not want to lose face by not understanding, so I will say Yes and hope that you will disappear.” Us expats have agreed to counter this “yes” business, and take them old fashioned teacher-student style, and take it a step further with a follow-up, “Ok, if you understand, then can you REPEAT what I just asked/said?” BINGO! This is when we know if the Yes was a “Yes,” or a yada yada yada.

OH CHIVALRY, WHERE ART THOU?.

This irks me and makes me shake my head a thousand fold. Call me old-fashioned, but it bothers me when NO man here neither opens the door nor allows “ladies first.” OK, yes, this has to do with its male/female relations history over here, but it gets a complete “No Bueno” from me.. but not just me! My expat male friends also have noticed the jerkiness of all of this, because they have found themselves opening doors with intentions of allowing ladies to walk through first, but instead some local dude(s) will bumrush through. Bastardo!! So, I’ll take this opportunity to say for all you gentlemen out there reading this: “Gentlemen, open doors for your lady friends and while I’m at it, walk on the ‘outside’ of sidewalks…with your lady friend on the inside. These small gestures go a long way.”


Of course, people from other cultures who do business with the West must learn all these subtleties in reverse, and it’s not easy for anybody. But, Iler notes, if you’re going to China, the onus is on you to adapt to Chinese ways, not vice versa. As they say, “When in Rome…”

Touche! Touche! And trust, there are plenty more differences, but for now, we all have to learn to accept that we’re on their turf, so … “When in Shanghai….”

. . don’t burn the day. .